


I don't know what love is

by spiderisis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First time writing these characters, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I Wrote This While Listening To The High School Musical Soundtrack, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, N E WAYS, One-Sided Attraction, its snowing while im writing this!!, like nothing, no beta we die like men, probably triggering if you just lost someone, someday i hope to make the perfect creme brulee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:28:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29249550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiderisis/pseuds/spiderisis
Summary: 'I don't know how love works, it's not like I've ever felt it'
Relationships: For like one sentence - Relationship, Kageyama Tobio/Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou - mentioned, again - Relationship, just mentioned - Relationship
Kudos: 14





	I don't know what love is

**Author's Note:**

> *english isnt my first language so sorry for all the grammer and spelling mistakes*
> 
> hi im listening to the high school musical soundtrack and its snowing and im honestly living my best life rn, also i should be sleeping so there will probably be more mistakes then usual.
> 
> snow makes me so happy omg its insane
> 
> also this is the first time im writing these characters so itll probably be a bit out of character
> 
> i also didnt really proof read so,, sorry abt that ig

Tobio was looking up at the night sky, oblivious to the pair of amber-colored eyes which can't seem to be able to look away from the pair of sapphire-colored eyes, those beautiful eyes. The eyes that seem to hold the secrets of the universe. 

The way the stars reflect in those eyes, making them look like they're housing two entirely new galaxies. Galaxies not quite like this one. Galaxies in which Atsumu might even have a chance with Tobio, in which his heart getting crushed isn't even plausible. Galaxies in which dreams about Tobio wouldn't end with him waking up in a cold sweat, scared about how he would never be able to feel as lively, peaceful and just overall happy as the dream version of himself. In stead he would wake up with a smile on his face and with Tobio in his arms, feeling safe.

Atsumu his heart ached in the worst way possible. Longing for something to happen between him and Tobio, longing for _more_.

With the way his heart was itching, just wanting to blurt out a confession so he at least doesn't have to lie to Tobio anymore, he had to avert his eyes downwards. He was once again scared that he would accidentally run his mouth - something he did a lot according to Osamu. 

Casting his eyes downwards turns out to be the worst decision Atsumu could've made. 

His eyes seem to get called to Tobio's lips with the way Atsumu gets completely hypnotized by them. 

It's not like Atsumu has never stared at Tobio's lips before. He has in fact, stared at Tobio his lips many times before. Unsurprisingly, Osamu has called him a creep over it - he shouldn't be saying anything, with the way he has been pining for Suna ever since they first met.

The lazy smile on Tobio's face is making Atsumu his stomach do flips. It's not only the fact that the smile makes Tobio look incredibly hot; it's that Atsumu knows that a smile like that didn't used to come as easy, especially at a time like this, no volleyball in sight, cheeks flushed red from the cold wind nipping at his skin. 

It's the type of smile Atsumu wants to kiss off his face, a kiss being the only satisfying way to see the smile go.

But, before Atsumu was able to consider placing his lips on top of Tobio's, the smile fades. Instead a familiar frown appears. The thing is, Tobio frowning isn't ugly, as a matter of fact the frown currently painting Tobio's features is quite beautiful. Still, judging by the creases in between his eyebrows, Tobio seems to be thinking about something confusing.

"What ya thinkin' about?" Atsumu tears his gaze away from Tobio his pink colored lips to look into his eyes.

The frown on Tobio's face deepens. "You're confusing."

Atsumu huffs, partly of humor but also of offense. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you remember the first thing you said to me?"

The stars in Tobio's eyes make Atsumu almost forget to answer.

"'Course I do."

In truth, Tobio never left Atsumu his mind since the first time he saw him at the All-Japan Youth Training Camp. Osamu has been pestering him about it ever since he called him on the first night, pining over Tobio. 

When he later told 'Samu what he had said to Tobio, the gray-haired boy laughed in his face.

The surprising thing is that Tobio still remembers what Atsumu said to him.

"Did I bother ya that much, Tobio-kun?"

Tobio shakes his head and looks at Atsumu for the first time. His beautiful eyes shining in the moonlight.

"I think I mainly wasn't expecting it. It's just that, no one has ever said that to me before. People have called me a king, a tyrant, selfish, but no one has ever called me a 'goody two-shoes'." Tobio seems hesitant to finish of his thought.

Tobio has never hurt Atsumu his feelings, sure he may be blunt at times but that's a rather likeable aspect of Tobio. Therefore Atsumu nods at him to continue, not scared for what he's going to say next.

The boy takes a second to think, seemingly examining his shoes. Atsumu takes this time to once again study Tobio's face.

The way his bangs perfectly frame his face, a hairstyle not a lot of people could pull off, but Tobio definitely can.

Threading your fingers through his hair would probably feel as soft as laying in a bed made of clouds. Tobio once said that his sister does something with hair and make-up, so that is an explanation on why it always looks astounding.

Oh God, Tobio with make-up on. The thought alone makes Atsumu's knees weak.

Right when Atsumu is about to ask Tobio if he has ever had make-up on, Tobio opens his mouth.

"I think about you a lot."

It's as if Tobio tore out Atsumu his heart, the blonde waiting in anticipation over whether the other boy will crush it or swap it with his own. 

"Ya do?"

Tobio looks at Atsumu, frown still evident on his face. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"You are hard to forget." Atsumu makes an 'o' with his mouth at that. "I don't know why that is. You are a good setter tough."

Atsumu softly chuckles at the immediate volleyball related explanation, and without thinking about it he breathes out: "God, I'm so in love with ya."

Tobio's head shoots up, eyes blown wide.

Fuck.

"That was, I'm kiddin'?" Atsumu awkwardly asks.

For a few seconds Tobio just stares at Atsumu, the latter growing more antsy with the second; because, surely, if he had the same feelings he would've said something already, right?

"You're in love with me." It isn't a question, it's a statement. 

Atsumu is still not completely breathing out. 

"Yes." 

Again, Tobio just looks at him for a few seconds.

"You're in love with me", Tobio states again. 

Atsumu huffs out a breath looking to the side. "Would ya just say somethin'?"

"You're an idiot." The frown was back on Tobio's face.

"It's not like this was my intentional!" Atsumu shouts, fed up with the silence.

"Don't be in love with me than!" Tobio shouts back. 

"Yer such a dick." Atsumu spits out, something he will without a doubt regret saying later. "That ain't how love works asshole!" 

"How would I know!" Tobio shouts. "I don't know how love works, it's not like I've ever felt it!" 

Tobio balls his hands in fists, taking a deep breath.

"I don't know what love is like", he mumbles.

Atsumu feels how his crushed heart gets smashed into the ground with the sight in front of him. The tears threatening spill out of Tobio's eyes, and even tough his brows are set in an angry line Tobio has to bite down on his lip to stop the tears from actually spilling over.

"I could show you." It's the first thing that pops into Atsumu his head, seemingly the perfect thing to say. Already attempting to glue his heart back together.

But with the way the anger disappears from Tobio's face, replaced by sadness, he can't help but look up at Tobio, defeated. The glue trying to hold his hear together just can't seem to stick.

A single tear rolls over Tobio his cheek.

"You can't, no one can." A smile forms on Tobio's face, not an ounce of happiness in sight, and Atsumu can't help but compare it with the lazy smile from earlier. The way that lazy smile was filled with happiness, not a care in the world, just a simple symptom that came with the blissful feeling of the moment.

"How could ya be so sure about that?" Atsumu his voice has dropped down to a whisper, his own sight becoming glassy.

"Because I'm dead Atsumu-san."

Atsumu closes his eyes, trying to blink the tears away, only succeeding at making them roll over his face. The salty water leaves a bad taste in his mouth. When he opens his eyes he's alone, staring at the empty spot in front of him.

He falls to his knees, an empty look in his eyes. Atsumu doesn't acknowledge the tears still rolling over his cheeks, it's become a constant in his life, the wet trails they leave behind, the feeling of the cold wind against his wet cheeks.

He imagines the warm hands that are supposed to hold his face, wiping his tears away, comforting him.

Tobio promised to be there for him when he needed him the most, but how could he be there for him, when Atsumu was in the most pain when Tobio wasn't around. The pain that has been uninterrupted since he heard about the accident. The aching of his heart, never being able to fully heal again.

People say it gets better over time, an idea Atsumu finds impossible to accept. How could Atsumu continue his life when he isn't here to see it? How could Atsumu continue his life when the only person who made his life worth living wasn't here?

It won't get better over time, everyone knows that. They just can't accept it.

Atsumu his heart will sting every time he sees a volleyball, every time he sees his friends, every time he sees the stars, every time he sees something orange, every time he hears about Miyagi. Atsumu his heart will sting every time he looks at the fucking sky.

The pain won't get better over time. The only thing that will get better is the mask that you put in front of your face, acting happy despite your biggest source of happiness not being here.

You only get better at pretending.

**Author's Note:**

> this didnt end up going the way i planned to and i kinda hate it but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ what are you gonna do
> 
> hope you liked it tho


End file.
